UGH

What a day. I woke up in a funk and tried to make it through the morning without being a crying mess. The kids woke up in great moods and it was super nice out. A nice change to how the weather has been. I found myself dragging through the day. Not sure if it's lack of sleep, stress, or what but it just seemed like I was moving in slow motion. Paul took the kids to give me a break and the first thing I did was curl up under the covers and cry. Fell asleep at some point and didn't wake up until I heard the kids and him come in. They had a great time. They went to a hobby store and got kites and gliders and then went to the park. They LOVE being with Paul and I love seeing them spend time together. I managed to get dinner ready with the help of my little cook. Kailee is all about helping, prepping, and actually cooking. I'm trying to teach her as much as I can. We even made muffins for in the morning. They have playgroup and I'm excited to try it out. It'll be the first time at music hour at the book store so I'm really interested to see how they like it. I haven't mentioned to them that there's a possibility of Chuckie Cheese after wards just in case I'm not up for it. I'm sure once I'm out it'll be a different story.

24 Days...

And, I'll have a five year old. Holly cow that's hard to type. Five... Oh why does five have to be right around the corner. I've been dealing with a roller coaster of emotions and depression with the fact that my baby girl, who is no longer a toddler, and has been a kid for some time, will be five. Will be starting school, no longer be with me all day, be venturing on her own, and is growing up far faster than I am comfortable with. I've been in a huge slump for months trying to deal with it and get excited and enjoy the new phases/adventures we will soon be embarking on that five brings. Needless to say, I'm failing. I'm not ready. Not ready to let her go, to not have her with me all day, to have the innocence changed from being around new kids, and seeing her change and get more independent if that's possible. I'm just not. I want time to stop right now. Today. So that five doesn't come. What's wrong with me? Something has to be wrong right? I mean aren't most mom's excited for their kids to grow and experience school, make new friends, bring home their first home work assignment? I'm not. Now that all that's out for all of you to read and see. That's what's been going through my head for the past oh I don't know 6 months. I sure hope I start processing and dealing soon. It's hard to get excited for other things that are going on when every time I look at the calendar I'm that much closer to the 25th.