Friends Needed. Applications now Being Accepted

Sometimes I wish there there was a screening process when it came to making friends like when you fill out a job application. Here lately my so called friends have turned out to be quite the opposite. What was a nice group of couples with children turned into drama and people bad mouthing each other. Now I have had issues with females since as long as I can remember. I have never ever been proven wrong. So typically you won't find me surrounding myself with a bunch of females. So imagine my discomfort when Paul's in the fire side and everyone goes to everything. It was really nice at first. The kids always had someone to play with and I, well always had someone to talk to. Problems started early on where I always had the feeling what was said amongst two was never kept amongst two. Not just with me with everyone. It was like two would be bad mouthing each other to me but smile to each others face next get together. Even then it wasn't a big deal. Everyone put on their big girls pants and remained adult at functions. Then slowly by slowly the cattiness and two faced sides started coming out more and more. I always remained neutral never siding with one over the other just kinda there to listen. So our group of 5 lost one over drama between her and another. Now two of the girls are absolutely hating each other and not speaking. And, as if that wasn't bad enough one has decided if the other is anywhere she won't be there and visa versa. How high school. Funny thing is, it's not us that's suffering from the immaturity it's the kids and the guys. It's all quite retarded and annoying to me. I thought I left high school ten years ago. Apparently not... So here I am once again feeling friendless in Az, and now back to having no one to speak to because, quite frankly if they are treating each other like this I can only imagine what they are saying behind my back. I think in the future I will create a friendship application that goes along the lines of this.

Qualifications to be considered a friend.
-Must be honest. After all no one likes lies.
-Must be loyal. At all times not when convenient for you.
-Must like kids. We are a packaged deal. No exceptions.
-Must be a good person. On the inside that is. You can as pretty as you want, but I'm not looking for a date. I'm looking for a friend.
-Must HATE drama. All forms.

If you have a hard time complying with any of the stipulations above, please be prepared to have you application immediately removed from consideration. Thank you and have a wonderful day.